The press release I received about Keep‘s new album, Almost Static, reads, “This is an album built for long hours spent in the car which is frequently reflected in the lyrics. Almost Static explores many of thoughts that might cross one’s mind on such expansive journeys. It’s a driving and anthemic record that navigates the meandering nature of a world that won’t slow down. It’s a soundtrack for hurtling further and further into oblivion.”
That’s accurate. The opening guitars of “Fun Facts” pretty much toss you over the cliff with a small paraglider and hope for the best. The echoing vocals help you float, but also might be luring you toward the cliff on the other side of the valley. The drums and bass on “Smile Down” are crisp and yet crushing. “Decoy” continues the sonic assault, and then “Bermuda” comes in like a lost darkwave track from the early 1980s. Keep’s love of The Cure is evident on the track in the way the instruments seem to creep around the back of the room while a dance party happens on the other side of the wall.
“New Jewelry” and the title track remind me a bit of some mellower Failure tracks with its hooky beats and space orbit vocals. The bass on “No Pulse” is thick and almost palpable. The guitars nearly wander into prog-rock jams at some points.
“Sodawater” chugs along with a bit of gloom, but you can’t help noticing some sunlight (Those guitar chords!) through the dark clouds now and then. “Gasoline” reminds me of late 80s / early 90s goth tracks when shoegaze was emerging from its cocoon. Closing track “Hurt a Fly” feels like the rush you’d get from landing on the ground in the valley over which you’ve been floating this whole time, and running along the soft earth as the wind almost picks you back up again.
It’s a solid record of fuzz, force, and finesse that is indeed perfect for late nights in the car or on an airplane. Check it out.
Keep your mind open.
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Ireland’s Just Mustard return with a new single/video, “POLLYANNA,” via Partisan, and announce an intimate New York show on Tuesday, September 9th at National Sawdust. Following the release of their “thrillingly untraditional” (NME) 2022 breakout,Heart Under, “POLLYANNA” is a luminous and lurching first tease of their highly anticipated third album due later this year. Anchored by the group’s signature sonic disorientation but newly embracing directness and melody, “POLLYANNA” sets the tone for a new era of Just Mustard, one that finds beauty in contradiction, pairing the raw power of noise-rock with a conflicted optimism that’s as disarming as it is cathartic. With warped guitars, submerged beats, and front woman Katie Ball’s dreamlike vocals pushed higher in the mix than ever before, it captures the band at a turning point: reaching for euphoria while wrestling with its emotional cost.
Ball, who directed the video herself, comments: “We shot the video using different CCTV and VHS cameras around our hometown Dundalk trying to have as much fun as possible, the kind of fun that makes you feel sick almost instantly, which suits the themes of the song.”
Just Mustard is Katie Ball, David Noonan, Mete Kalyon, Rob Clarke, and Shane Maguire. Heart Under earned Just Mustard widespread acclaim, with the band racking up rave reviews from NME, The Telegraph, Pitchfork, DIY, The Independent, and plenty more. Their music has been championed by BBC 6 Music, BBC Radio 1, KEXP, as well as The Cure, Depeche Mode and Fontaines D.C., all of whom they’ve supported on tour.
Following a string of festival dates, including Seisiún Festival in Boston, the band will return to New York City and then head to the UK/EU for select underplays in London, Paris and Berlin. A full list of dates is below.
Just Mustard Tour Dates (New Dates in Bold) Sat. Aug. 16 – Brecon Beacons, UK @ Green Man Festival Sat. Aug. 30 – Stradbally, IE @ Electric Picnic Sat. Sept. 6 – Sun. Sept. 7 – Boston, MA @ Seisiún Festival Tue. Sept. 9 – Brooklyn, NY @ National Sawdust Fri. Sept. 19 – Hamburg, DE @ Reeperbahn Festival Mon. Sept. 22 – Berlin, DE @ Privatclub Wed. Sept. 24 – Paris, FR @ Point Empemere Thu. Sept. 25 – London, UK @ Hoxton Hall
Keep your mind open.
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Today Labrador Records introduce Stockholm-based four-piece Dag och Natt,who are set to release their debut album ‘Years And Years’ on August 15th. With today’s announcement they have shared the lusciously dazed new single, “Iron Man“.
Speaking on the track, the band said “‘Iron Man’ could be about staying the course, step by step, keeping a steady pace. A quiet strength that moves you forward. Sometimes, just going with a vague purpose is enough. There is a calm power in simply carrying on.”
Dag och Natt is a band from Stockholm, Sweden, whose music strikes a delicate balance between dense and airy. Their melodies are intricately layered, often weaving together with a sense of fluidity, with vocals split between Elia Mårtensson Almegård, Sara Engström and Maja Zetterberg.
The name Dag och Natt, which translates to Day and Night, was chosen with intention, reflecting the band’s desire to explore both the light and dark aspects of life through their music.
Initially, the band entertained the idea of forming two separate projects – one light and one dark – with the same members. However, they soon abandoned this concept in favour of bringing everything together under the name Dag och Natt. The result is an album that embodies both joy and struggle, brightness and shadows, mirroring the interplay between day and night.
The band’s creative process is both collaborative and intuitive. Writing sessions often take place in a secluded cabin in the woods, where the focus is solely on the music. There is no predetermined structure or rhythm – instead, Sara often begins with a bassline, and Maja and Elia contribute their guitar parts, before Lars Blume Jensen adds percussion. This natural and organic approach allows the music to develop in an effortless and fluid way, rooted in trust and mutual respect among the members.
Lyrically, the band explores themes of duality – the contrasts between love and loneliness, strength and vulnerability, connection and isolation. Their debut album reflects these themes, presenting a sonic landscape where light and darkness coexist. Rather than offering answers, Dag och Natt seeks to create space for listeners to reflect on their own experiences, embracing both the challenges and the beauty of life.
Slow Crush have announced their new album, Thirst, on which the dynamic four piece further cement themselves at the forefront of rock and shoegaze. On Thirst, Slow Crush’s dynamic textures, propulsive rhythms and gauzy riffs glow bright as ever, but this time with more grit. Today they’ve shared the album’s leading single and title track which emerges as the defining anthem. The band tell, “‘Thirst’ is about an unquenchable desire for what’s next, with focus on essence and balance. Not losing yourself in the ever-growing distractions that surround us. A yearning pulse for renewal, ‘Thirst’ ripples with a craving for something pure, something vital. It churns with an unrelenting drive, building an electrifying momentum that surges forward and breaks through, offering both release and rebirth.”
The past few years off the road have given Slow Crush space to breathe and create since the release of their two critically acclaimed albums, Aurora (2018) and Hush (2021), which have sold over several tens of thousands physical copies. When the time came to head into the studio, vocalist / bassist Isa Holliday, drummer Frederik Meeuwis, guitarists Jelle Ronsmans and Nic Placlé decamped to The Ranch in Southampton, U.K., to work with producer Lewis Johns with no expectations in mind, aside from a metamorphosis.
Thirst’s ten tracks are a thematic cascade of noise that echoes the end and bursts into new life. The riffs are heavier, the vocals are dreamier and more emotional than ever. Isa broke new ground in her vulnerability when while in the recording booth. There were several songs she couldn’t record without dissolving into tears – her deepest excavation of feelings yet.
Thirst’s overarching theme is what Isa describes as “the romance of being with a loved one”. Although being away from someone close for long periods might strain that bond at times, the return can feel glorious, the connection sparkling new again for a while. Slow Crush set out to capture the feeling of being tethered yet feeling weightless, absorbed in the surreal beauty of the quiet moments with someone.
Isa explains, “We want people to let themselves go and feel embraced by the music, so that they can experience it in 4D. That’s what we hear a lot from people who come to see us live, or people who’ve listened to our previous albums, is that we take them to another dimension. I think that’s something that we miss in this day and age with everything that’s going on in the world, making us very aware of everything outside, but not allowing us to just be in the moment as much as you should. We want to let people take a moment for themselves and let the music take them wherever they would like to go.”
Thirst sees its release August 29 via Pure Noise Records, their first for the label. Slow Crush are set for a headlining Fall run which kicks off on the East Coast in early September and covers both coasts, the midwest and more. Tickets are on sale now. See below for a full list of dates and artwork.
Slow Crush Live Dates: May 23: Sniester Festival – Den Haag, NL May 24: Eastfilly fest – Ostfildern, DE May 30: Dunk fest – Gent, BE Jun 21: Blender fest – Kortrijk, BE Jun 27: Resurrection fest – Viveiro, ES Jul 05: Breakout festival – Berlin, DE Aug 07: Brutal Assault – Okruzni, CZ Aug 08: Void fest – Waldmunchen, DE
Sep 04: Allentown, PA – Arrow Sep 05: Philadelphia, PA – The Foundry Sep 06: Boston, MA – The Sinclair Sep 07: Brooklyn, NY – Music Hall of Williamsburg Sep 09: Montreal, QC – Bar Le Ritz Sep 10: Toronto, ON – Velvet Underground Sep 11: Detroit, MI – El Club Sep 12: Chicago, IL – Reggie’s Sep 13: Indianapolis, IN – HiFi Sep 14: St. Louis, MO – Duck Room Sep 16: Fort Worth, TX – Tulips Sep 17: Austin, TX – Radio/East Sep 19: Phoenix, AZ – Crescent Ballroom Sep 20: Los Angeles, CA – Teragram Ballroom Sep 21: Oakland, CA – Crybaby Sep 23: Seattle, WA – El Corazon Sep 24: Portland, OR – Hawthorne Theatre Sep 26: Salt Lake City, UT – Urban Lounge Sep 27: Denver, CO – Marquis Theatre Sep 29: Kansas City, MO – RecordBar Oct 01: Nashville, TN – The ’58 Oct 02: Atlanta, GA – The Masquerade Oct 03: Durham, NC – The Fruit Oct 04: Richmond, VA – The Broadberry Oct 05: Washington, DC – Union Stage
Last March, Brooklyn’s Punchlove released their debut LP Channelson Kanine Records. Composed of multi-instrumentalists Jillian Olesen, Joey Machina, Ian Lange-McPherson, and visual artIst viz_wel, the group’s debut earned praise from outlets like Stereogum, Bandcamp, FLOOD and Paste, who called the album “one of the most compelling shoegaze debuts in recent memory” and included the album on their Best Debut Albums of 2024 list.
The album’s reception has paved the way for a busy start to 2025 for the band, who have already toured across the UK and Europe, and will be heading out in the US later this month. Last month, they also released a new single called “(sublimate)” that teased a promising new direction for the band. The track moved beyond the shoegaze swirl of their debut, introducing layers of glitchy electronics and a heavier sound, a wave of industrial-inflected noise pop that Consequence called “further proof of the Brooklyn-based outfit’s proclivity for tasteful disturbance.“
Where every Punchlove release to date has been self-produced, “Today You Can Learn The Secret” was co-produced with Xav Sinden. As Olesen explains, the track was inspired by an experiment in automatism that led to a revelation about the way her digital life had been impacting her subconciously.
Olesen says of the track:
This release is a surrealist, portal fantasy-inspired encounter with the unconscious mind. This latest song started with just the title itself (“Today You Can Learn the Secret”), and then Ian wrote all the instrumental parts. When it came time to write the lyrics, I had started leaving an open notebook next to my bed each night as a creative exercise in automatism I’d read about somewhere and basically started waking up to find all kinds of scribbles and chicken scratch all over the pages each morning. It was like scary psychological Christmas each morning. At times there was really raw stuff in there. It kinda freaked me out, but it was also exciting and really started to shift my perspective on my own humanity, as well as the world around me. It felt like I had a new window into understanding how certain things were really affecting me, and to start grasping the nuances of how I had been unknowingly absorbing and filtering my (excessively digital) daily stimuli on an unconscious level, from which I could begin to make real changes. So outlining my own experience and some of the recurring themes of these bizarre dream entries, O is the journey of moving from an outward facing, always-on, digital world in towards the deepest, darkest, realms of ourselves, where we are found face-to-face with our own humanity and mortality in new and unexpected ways.
Hotline TNT — the New York-based band fronted by Will Anderson — announce their third album Raspberry Moon, out June 20th via Third Man Records and share its lead single, “Julia’s War.” The follow up to Cartwheel, the band’s “exquisite” (Billboard) 2023 breakthrough, Raspberry Moon is the most sweeping and compelling Hotline TNT album to date and, crucially, the first built by a full band. Funneled into the album are moments of vulnerability and romance, creating a generationally great statement of youthful wistfulness and very adult growth that also happens to be very charming and sometimes funny.
While in the studio of modern D.I.Y. hero Amos Pitsch (Tenement), Anderson found himself in an unusual position. This time, and for the first time, the quartet that had toured for the last 10 months as Hotline TNT had come with Anderson, somewhat unexpectedly. He had intended to make one more album his way—holing up with a producer and building songs piece by piece, as he’d done for Cartwheel—before making Hotline TNT a full-band affair in the future. But there was no avoiding it. Guitarist Lucky Hunter, bassist Haylen Trammel, and drummer Mike Ralston wanted in. Anderson relented.
In making Raspberry Moon, Anderson confronted a burgeoning if occasionally difficult belief: Hotline TNT was now a band, and this was the band. The benefits are self-evident— it is the most texturally rich and energetically nuanced album Hotline TNT has ever made—from start to middle to finish. Some of these 11 songs deal with the sting of regret, of being left or leaving, as Hotline TNT always has. But this is a record animated by a sense of newness and possibility, of pushing back against the global sense that curtains are closing to make room in your own life for new friends. It is perfect music for looking forward, no matter how fucked the past may feel.
Lead single “Julia’s War” is an anthem of nascent affection where a simple and wordless chorus of “na na na nah” paints a horizon of possibility. The guitars are perfectly warm and sharp, cutting into you but simultaneously pulling you into the song. Of the track, whose title is a hat tip to regional contemporary They Are Gutting A Body of Water’s sprawling imprint, Anderson says: “In a world of half-hearted hooks, and buried-in-the-mix vocals, we had to muster the courage to do what the rest of the shoegaze community could not… We looked out to the stadium and reassured the audience: Our voices, together, will be heard. You’ve never heard a TNT chorus this straightforward – when we stress-tested it during the writing process, the ‘try not to sing along challenge’ came back with a 100% fail rate.”
Of the song’s accompanying video directed by Johnny Frohman, Anderson says: “When it came time to cook up the music video, Johnny Frohman created a Full-Metal-Jacket-style shoegaze bootcamp… It’s not the Marine Corps, it’s Slow Corps. Edy Monica, Dan Licata, Peter Mills Weiss, and an ensemble cast of NYC comedy underworld alts rounded out the platoon and drafted us into a world where we could enlist in a strict regimen of pedalboard assembly and underwater vocal lessons.”
Musical auteurs have been a feature of rock ’n’ roll since its very early days—folks who could imagine a sound and the path to it, largely alone. Something akin to Moore’s Law has made it easier to become exactly that during the subsequent decades, since studios with solid gear are now as accessible as a bedroom. It is increasingly convenient to be solo. The real work, though, is to abandon the ego and singular devotion to your absolute vision and make something better with the people you trust. Hotline TNT has done exactly that on Raspberry Moon, an album where Will Anderson gives himself space to fall in love with the world around him and sing as much in songs so loaded with hooks you’ll need to choose which ones to hum at any given moment.
Hotline TNT will play a series of headline shows in early May and will then embark on a North American Tour supporting Hippo Campus with stops in Seattle, Portland, Las Vegas, Austin, Chicago, and more. A full list of dates can be found below.
Hotline TNT Tour Dates Thu. May 1 – Louisville, KY @ Mag Bar Fri. May 2 – Urbana, IL @ Rose Bowl Tavern Sat. May 3 – St Louis, MO @ Sinkhole Sun. May 4 – Columbia, MO @ Rose Music Hall Tue. May 6 – Colorado Springs, CO @ Vultures Thu. May 8 – Boise, ID @ The Shredder Fri. May 9 – Sat. May 10 – Portland, OR @ Roseland* Mon. May 12 – Tue. May 13 – Seattle, WA @ Showbox* Wed. May 14 – Vancouver, BC @ Vogue* Fri. May 16 – Sacramento, CA @ Channel 24* Sat. May 17 – Las Vegas, NV @ Brooklyn Bowl* Sun. May 18 – Phoenix, AZ @ The Van Buren* Tue. May 20 – San Antonio, TX @ Aztec* Wed. May 21 – Austin, TX @ Moody Theater* Thu. May 22 – Dallas, TX @ Bomb Factory* Sat. May 24 – Oklahoma City, OK @ Jones Assembly* Sun. May 25 – Bentonville, AR @ The Momentary* Tue. May 27 – Columbus, OH @ Kemba Live* Thu. May 29 – Grand Rapids, MI @ GLC Live at 20 Monroe* Fri. May 30 – Chicago, IL @ Salt Shed* Sat. May 31 – Minneapolis, MN @ Surly Brewing* Sun. June 1 – Milwaukee, WI @ Cactus Club % (early & late shows) Tue. June 3 – Buffalo, NY @ Rec Room
Lockstep, the Nashville-based trio of Austin Rolison (drums, vox), Matt Schumacher (guitar, vox) and Tanner Ihrie (bass), “make[s] doomy, heavy shoegaze in the vein of bands like Cloakroom and Jesu” (Brooklyn Vegan). Today, they present “Drag Along,” their first new single in nearly two years and a heavy-hitting “hello.” It screeches into existence with a squall of feedback and Rolison’s swirling vocals: “Collapse into you // Won’t avoid it // Everything you wait for // On display // The helpless weeping // Uninvited // Forever remain // In the grey.” As the song reaches its peak, massive waves of guitar and crashing percussion come together in a shuddering wall of noise. In the band’s words, “Drag Along” “touches on the passage of life and the things left in its wake.” Watch Lockstep’s Video for “Drag Along”
Lockstep first formed in 2021. Since then, they’ve released two EPs, “Lockstep 1” and “Arrival,” both of which earned significant interest in Reddit forums and on Bandcamp. These EPS expertly weave heavier, more abrasive elements into a melodic/gazey sound to be “as enveloping as possible.” As New Noise praises, “pulling from post-rock, shoegaze, doom, and noise-rock, Lockstep creates a sonic output that is both punishing and atmospheric.”
Although they began primarily as a recording project, they’ve evolved into an active touring pursuit. Lockstep has played shows with notable bands and peers in hardcore, punk, and shoegaze, including The Armed, Wisp, Doused, REZN, Gumm, Prize Horse, and others. “When we were first writing as a group, we weren’t considering how or if these songs were going to be played as a trio and in front of people,” says the band. “Which allowed for a little more freedom when thinking of composition. We’ve tried to keep that spirit present when we write now.”
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Blackwater Holylight excel at writing, singing, and playing haunting songs that take doom rock into spectral places. Now, with their new EP If You Only Knew, the band take their doom rock into the shoegaze realm and the results are excellent.
Sarah McKenna‘s rainfall-like electric piano opens the EP on “Wandering Lost.” It matches the sorrowful guitar from Mikayla Mayhew as lead singer / bassist Sunny Faris reminds us that we all suffer at some point, and we can sometimes find solace in that. The song kicks into grand metal riffs in the second half, with drummer Eliese Dorsay putting down beats that Nordic metal bands would love.
“Torn Reckless” is a gorgeous shoegaze track that caught me by surprise. Faris sings about standing on the precipice of a relationship and not sure if plunging off it or backing away is the right decision. Mayhew’s guitar sounds like its being pumped through a dozen half-blown amplifiers.
“Fate Is Forward” is pure 1990s (good) alt-rock with its bursting guitars and quiet-loud-quiet verses and chorus. It’s almost a forgotten Failure track, and it’s impossible to choose who shines the most on it, but why should you bother? Just let it wash over you like a rolling thunderstorm.
Finally, I did not have “Blackwater Holylight covers Radiohead.” on my 2025 bingo card, but they’ve done it with a beautiful version of “All I Need.” They keep the buzzing synths and add more guitar fuzz. Faris’ version of Thom Yorke‘s vocals make the song open its heart a bit more and, yes, make it sexier.
This is one of Blackwater Holylight’s best records, and a great sign of good things to come as they continue to explore and expand their sound.
Keep your mind open.
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Natalie Lew’s Sea Lemon project uses dreamy tones to mimic natural wonder. Today, the Seattle Songwriter announces her full-length debut, Diving For A Prize, out June 13, 2025 via Luminelle Recordings. The record is fantastical and shaped by life in the Pacific Northwest, fleshed out by collaborator Andy Park (Death Cab For Cutie, Deftones). Today, Lew Shares the single “Stay,” which expands on the gauzy Sea Lemon formula. “Handle all customers between the leather couches where the concrete starts to drip I think there’s something someone listening,” Lew sings in the final lines, over fuzzy guitars and a loping drum groove. In true Sea Lemon fashion, “Stay” is enveloping and cloudy.
On the single, Lew Shares:“Stay was the first track I actively wrote for my record, and is a little vignette of a man I saw in a local thrift store. This older guy, probably in his 70s or 80s, was acting as a security guard at this thrift store near my house, but he was basically asleep on the couch the entire time I was there. I couldn’t stop thinking about him after I left, and wrote Stay as a reaction to seeing this guy who I felt deserved to take a break. The song became a short story about him, and about how important I feel it can be to have someone in your life willing to telling you to take a step back and just relax.”
Natalie Lew grew up by the ocean, always harboring a fascination with the strange universes bubbling right below the surface. Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest (she currently resides in Seattle), the peculiar and miraculous environment around her, filled with tide pools and marine life, has seeped into her worldview and the music she makes as Sea Lemon. Imbued by both a sense of wonder and trepidation, debut full length Diving For A Prize is a haunting vision of Lew’s own creation, a vividly assembled snapshot of a place that is both fantastical and deeply curious.
The result of eight months of writing, Diving For A Prize was mainly produced and fleshed out in the studio with Lew’s collaborator Andy Park (Death Cab For Cutie, Deftones) in Park’s home studio in Seattle. Lew herself grew up playing piano, but became more actively engaged with music when she joined the programming board of her college at the University of Washington where she was studying design. Always consuming new music, it wasn’t until a stint in New York where she picked up a guitar for the first time, briefly joining a band with her roommates before moving back to the West Coast in 2020. This newfound period of isolation allowed her to experiment with Logic and create music on her own. “I never heard myself sing until 2020,” she admits. The resulting EPs Close Up and Stop At Nothing represent these first forays as a solo musician, but although Lew has always highlighted the intentional departure between the sonic semi-brightness of her music and its darker subject matter, Diving For A Prize fully submerges into fuzzier territory and murkier impulses.
“When I make a song I think of it as its own little universe,” Lew explains. Inspired by artists like Enya, Caroline Palochek, Air and My Bloody Valentine, Lew’s “shoegaze but with pop structures” songs have a knack to be earworm-y when you least expect it, embedding themselves in the listener’s psyche. Intentionally amorphous, often what seems like a straightforward chord progression dissolves into something more insidious after multiple listens. Her voice can sound sweetly saccharine until you listen to the lyrics, which often tell vaguely sinister tales and reflect scenes where the mundane takes a turn. Lew writes short stories in her spare time, and her eye for curious vignettes is reflected in Diving For A Prize, which often sees her characters going through minute challenges or uncomfortable scenarios, like in the disarmingly ominous “Rear View,” which features a baseball player who is on the periphery of not making the next season. For this is what life is like – “tragic, sweet, comedic,” Lew says: all of the things at once.
As much as Lew excels as a storyteller, she at the same time warns against hinging too much on one person’s version of events. She’s her own unreliable narrator, blinded by emotion and the fleeting memory of the moment. It’s prevalent in the eerie naiveté of the otherwise dreamily cloying “Sweet Anecdote”: “you were the one / knew from the start / God I was so sure when I saw you.” Just as songs fossilize and preserve a specific feeling, time ushers on the inevitability of change. Lew often imagines what has become of these people. “Stay,” which memorializes an old security guard asleep in a thrift store, lends melodrama and cinema to the idea of the man finally leaving work and never coming back: a happy, albeit imagined ending.
The twelve songs of the album often operate in this sphere between fantasy and real life, where it is easy to dream, almost desperately, that something out of the ordinary might occur, even if it means ignoring your gut instinct. Lew reiterates this in the gleaming “Blue Moon,” which signifies “nature giving you signs that you should stop doing something,” while in the heavier “Give In,” she paints a scene where the light of an abandoned house draws the listener in. The name Diving For A Prize signifies taking this leap, often with the clouded judgment and despite the clues and warning signs that suggest otherwise. Lew has long been enamored by the horror trope of a fork in the road, and the presiding obsession that comes from wanting to make something, anything happen, at any cost.
But part of risk is also reward, and each track is its own portal filled with both yearning and self discovery. The luminescent “Silver,” which is about “being a kid and my mom telling me the world is your oyster,” holds both this disillusionment as well as hope that comes with growing into the person you are. It’s this constant desire for more which pushes us forward, towards whatever destiny awaits us. “With these songs, I wanted to find a place for myself in the world.”